Thanks For The Memories
by und3l3t3
Summary: A group of Ouran one-shots in which capture the eccentric moments which the host club is just oh-so well known for. Primarily non-romance; humor. Rated for naughty words and the such.
1. 001: Banana Slip & Slide

Yesh. A bunch of cracky one-shots about everyone's favorite host club. Centering Haruhi, of course. Duh.

I make new ones of different lengths only when I'm bored, and they're all gathered here.

* * *

It was a normal day after the Host Club had ended. As usual, those _damned_ twins were at their little three way love scene again. 

"Ne, Haruhi..." Hikaru spoke in a deep tone, a subtle grin tugging on his lip as he watched Tamaki suffer, as he dipped his down to her right ear down and wrapped his arms around the short haired brunette's petite frame. Kaoru did the same on his side, only he rested his chin on where her neck met her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her waist. Kaoru spoke this time, his voice identical to Hikaru's (or at least to everyone else besides Haruhi it seemed that way). "Did you know..."

"That you smell so _pleasant_, ne?" They chimed together, their voice holding a mocking tone.

Hikaru grinned heavily, taking a stealthy peek at Tamaki's face.

Tamaki was just about ready to rip their heads off. He was crouched in a corner of the seemingly always magenta room, cultivating what appeared to be poisonous mushrooms, his eyes holding an evil glint to them. He softly chanted to himself about 'homicide' and 'damned twin incubi'.

Haruhi sighed, her eyes rolling. She found the whole club to be extremely air-headed, with the exception of Kyouya and Mori. Seeing as the twins (now no longer identical due to Hikaru dying his hair) were probably not going to relinquish their questionably intimate grip on her, she decided to think about ootori and its wonderful delights and also how she still never got any.

Damn rich bastards.

That happened to be a dazed thought, as her head leaned backward and the ceiling and golden chandelier blurred, their colors joining together like beige with a blurry splotch of gold, until a cover of darkness swallowed her and the colors.

She had fallen asleep.

You see, Haruhi had gotten a little occupied with studying...and went to sleep at three in the morning.

Hikaru blushed as he felt Haruhi leaned toward him, a rather heavy red as well. Kaoru smiled, his heart aching subtly as he watched her sleep.

One was rejected. One was too shy to admit his feelings.

Both were in love with a beautiful brown haired girl.

"HOW DARE YOU TRY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY DAUGHTER WHILE SHE SLEEPS!"

Tamaki screamed, throwing mushrooms and, as usual, ruining a cute moment. He rushed over to pick up his dear daughter, as the twins couldn't help but just lean back sitting and laughing at his expression. He was in such a rush, he stepped (rather solidly as well) on Haruhi's loafer clad foot.

Haruhi jolted up from her seat, the top of her head making clear contact right where his neck met his head. And it wasn't a soft blow to the neck, either.

Both reeled back, Haruhi tripping over the couch and ending up falling over the back. Tamaki stumbled back, his eyes widening.

A banana peel popped out of nowhere, and Tamaki slipped back, and out the window that someone decided to open (perhaps to welcome the spring, for perhaps the eighteenth time it had come to Ouran this one year -coughs-).

Of course, the twins were laughing like hell. Haruhi sighed as she awoke fully, her expression of surprise fading as she heard the twin's in sync laughter. It calmed her, since she knew the reason she was halfway off the couch with her face to the ground and her legs resting in an absolutely uncomfortable position against the piece of furniture was because those two little demons were obviously responsible. And she therefore knew who was going to lose their heads.

As Haruhi pulled her legs off the couch and got herself to stand, a killer intent was sent toward the twins.

"It. Was. Tono!" Hikaru spoke between his laughter, clutching his stomach.

"Look out. The. Window." Kaoru had a bit better talent in holding his laughter, though not by much.

Haruhi sighed, wiping the her uniform with her hands before trudging over to the open window. She looked back at the twins with a wary look, as if making sure they weren't about to push her over, and then looked downward.

"Haruhi, dear! Help daddy!"

And there, a sight to behold, was Suou Tamaki, hanging from a branch of a sakura tree.

"Baka." Haruhi mumbled, shutting the window and walking away, her expression quite cold. She sat herself next to the, as always, nonchalant Kyouya, and sighed. He raised one eyebrow above his shady glasses, looking at the brunette's expression.

"I think that this club is fricking insane..." Haruhi spoke, flopping her head on the table. "And quite sadly, this is the first time I've found myself saying that."

"Why, Haruhi..." Kyouya was sort of grinning and smiling, in an eerie way, "What took you so long to realize?"

"Honestly, senpai, I have no idea. And that, quite frankly, is weirding me out quite a bit."

* * *

:D 

-tempts reviewers with candy and host club porno-


	2. 002: Valentine's Hell

I luffles the reviews. -huggles the reviewers- Here's a Valentine's Day one-shot!

(Btw, the poem wasn't planned. its shit 'cause i modified sentences I was going to use for the intro paragraph. lawl.)

HAPPY UBER BELATED VALENTINE'S DAY! lawlz. D:

* * *

_Today was a day of laughter and love.  
Of smiles, and kisses, and definitely hugs.  
The halls were decked with red and pink,__  
lace over-strewn by those who can't think._

_Today fancy chocolates were abundant,  
quite frankly it was very redundant._

"Please, Haruhi-kun, accept our chocolates!"

The short-haired brunette; known as Fujioka Haruhi of the Host Club, couldn't help but gape. It appeared as though thousands of girls were in front of her (filling both the room and as it appeared, the hallway), all holding out varieties of chocolate. The girl swept her eyes over the immense amounts of chocolates almost literally in her face, noticing there were gigantic gift baskets, heart-shaped chocolate boxes that seemed to be made of gold, and even chocolate bars so big it could probably feed a family of eight. _So much chocolate._

It was an extraordinary amount of people, as well.

Haruhi seemed to be popular amongst the whole percent of females who didn't attend the host club, which was about eighty percent of the female population in Ouran. Her fangirls were no generic, however. They all were unique and no two seemed to look the same (as the customers from the club seemed to be suspiciously alike in looks when in groups). Haruhi saw a few yankees, a few tomboys, a lot of simple normal students, and also it seemed that the brainy female population was batty for Haruhi as well. It also seemed that she had attracted the attention of a yaku-

"Ah. Gomen nasai, minna-san." Haruhi said with her sweet and natural smile; which sent the gigantic group into a burst of hearts. Her eyes were however fixated on a certain stiff person trying their best to mingle with the crowd. However, that hair was unmistakable.

"Ah. Kasanoda-kun!" Haruhi beckoned the redhead, oblivious to how when she mentioned his name, he shrank. The girls all fixated upon the well-known redhead; he was notorious after all for being 'vicious' and 'unruly'.

"Would you girls please let him through? I'm sorry if I'm asking something troublesome of you all, though. I'd also like to say that I'll accept all of your chocolate, but please give it to me after school when the host club ends, so I don't need to carry it around. After all, I don't want to mess up any of your beautiful chocolates."

The girls, excited by the prospect of Haruhi eating _their_ chocolate, happily made a path for the redheaded boy to walk to Haruhi. However, he just stood there, knees shaking and fingers clutching the small bag in his grip. A tough yankee, however, pushed him, forcing him to stumble right up to Haruhi.

"Ah, Kasanoda-kun. Why are you here?" Haruhi asked, smiling.

"A-ah...well...I made some...cookies... for you. They are...anou...lemon flavored...and I grew the lemons myself." Kasanoda managed to spit out, blushing like a tomato. He held out the bag filled with cookies.

Haruhi blinked, her expression blank for a moment. She then smiled, gratefully, taking the cookies.

"Arigatou gozaimasu."

Kasanoda blushed, and tried his best to muster up something to say.

"OKAY GIRLS, YOU HAVE TILL THE COUNT OF TEN TO GET OUT OF THE WAY OF MY CLASSROOM AND INTO YOURS! THIS IS 1-A, NOT 2-A, OR 3-A!"

The crowd dissipated immediately at the command of Hatori Bisco (-le gaspeth-), 1-A's sensei, all the fangirls from 1-A sitting down in their seats and the rest skittering off to their homeroom.

Hatori glared at Kasanoda, challenging him to keep his place.

The redhead fled, unreflective of even the two twins, standing at the doorway. Both were at least a bit astounded, but quickly recovered. They then made their way to Haruhi, where they, as usually, were inside her personal bubble.

"Ne, Haruhi..." Kaoru said, in his little uke voice, tears gathering in his eyes.

Hikaru then took over, his cheek pressed against her's. "Why is it..."

They paused, retracting from Haruhi and embracing each other in a flamboyant display of boy-love almost in Haruhi's face. Most of the females in the class class wiggled in excitement and delight, but Haruhi's fans sent deadly glares. The twins looked at Haruhi with feigned eyes of innocence, and Haruhi could see Hikaru clutching a bottle of...menthol.

"That you attract so many girls, unlike us...!?"

Haruhi simply sighed, sending a pleading look at Hatori-sensei. The woman smiled playfully at Haruhi, and then sharply cried out at the two.

"You two, sit down and stop harassing Fujioka-san!"

The twins jerked a bit, and then made their way to the closest seats next to Haruhi, as their normal seats were taking by two glowering fangirls that looked like they were about to rip the twins' heads from their neck. They grumbled, and sent looks at Haruhi, who was oblivious to them as she paid attention to Hatori-sensei, who began to take attendance.

* * *

Lunch time came swiftly. 

And so did the invasion.

Haruhi sighed, in low spirits. She had made her lunch, and it had good, on sale tuna in it, but Tamaki had decided to call her in the morning to say 'hi', more so go into a rant about how she needs to accept him as a father. Haruhi had been too busy yelling at Tamaki and then running out, to realize the obentou was left on the counter.

'_And I was looking forward to eating grilled tuna with negi...Kaa-san had left behind a delicious sounding recipe of it and I had to try it for once..._' The brunette rested her head on the table.

However, she was jerked to awareness by several girls who called out her name, all having pulled chairs by her desk. Haruhi lifted her head, and sighed; her belly roaring.

"Ah. Haruhi-kun. Would you like to try our obentou?" Each girl had an obentou box offered a delicious (but sadly obviously not homemade) box filled with several of her favorite foods. Strawberries, seafood, and sweet potatoes. She blinked, her mouth watering, before she regained her composure.

"Ah. Is it really okay if I eat these?"

"Of course, Haruhi-kun!"

And Haruhi began a chowing spree. It wasn't quite as horrific as when she, at Nekozawa's beach house, had eaten all the crab in a bad mood, but Haruhi wasn't being a lady. No that the girls minded.

"Haruhi-kun is so kawaii!" Mumbling of such phrases began to occur. Haruhi was, after all, very cute naturally. And being a natural meant you could easily sweep a teenage girl off her feet. Maybe the cute charm Haruhi gave off was related to Huni's, which the small blonde senior's charm relied on the motherly instinct of a girl (and the adoration of all things cute).

Outside the door, a sulking Tamaki watched. Also, Kyouya was there, busy tapping away on his keyboard several important parts. An evil glint in his eye as he looked at Haruhi just screamed 'take Haruhi's fangirls and make them come to the club for more profit'.

Oh lord.

Haruhi shivered. But she did not dare to turn around, instead drowning her fear in food to shake the effects of Kyouya's piercing gaze.

* * *

When Ranka came home late at night from his job, clutching a few small Valentine's gifts his 'girlfriends' had given him, he found the whole small area of their residence to be swamped in chocolates. Expensive ones too. 

And, lying on the table, was Haruhi, who had found it to be one of the only things she could sleep on above the gourmet candies.

Ranka smiled softly, lacing down his gifts on a counter. He grabbed himself another blanket and pillow, alibi beaten up, and decided to sleep with his daughter.

The next day, Haruhi and Ranka were able to get rid of most of the chocolate by selling it to little kids for 5 yen a box.

Nevertheless, using that money earned, Haruhi was able to buy herself three pounds of cheap tuna.

They were on sale, of course. (:

* * *

0.o 

Strange ending, ne? lol

I rushed it at the end, dammit. Oneshots aren't supposed to be so long...  
-remembers seeing a 30,000 word one-shot SSHG fanfic-

lol meh. i don't read Harry Potter fanfics and I was just skimming to see what crazy pairings they had, so. :P

Also, after working on a really annoying Ouran AMV (1 min 30 secs done out of like 4 mins...lol) I've had my love of TamaHaru, MoriHaru, HuniHaru (lol yes :D), and KyouHaru rekindled.

Mainly TamaHaru, because in some of those scenes he actually looked like he wasn't a moron. :)


	3. 003: A Kiss

Step, step, step, step.

Huff, huff, huff, huff.

"I have to hurry up. Kyouya-senpai will never forgive me if I'm late..." Haruhi let her long but feeble legs stop, as she began to contemplate upon how Kyouya would take the fact that she was late for the host club. A looming, darkened silhouette of said intimidating man was placed against a swirl of dark purple and black, and his glasses glinted, as his mouth twitched into a devilish scowl. She could just hear him growl 'one-third of your debt will be added'.

Haruhi shivered, her eyes hazing over with pure trepidation.

Kyouya was definitely an object…er, person of fear for Haruhi. Though the brunette had an inkling of respect for said host club member -coughcoughSLAVEDRIVER-, it was dwarfed immensely by a tremendous amount of terror.

Haruhi was jump-started out of her personal reflection of how frightening Kyouya was by a cheery, mellifluous voice that called out her name. "Haruhi!"

She blinked. Haruhi was quite frankly uncaring of how whoever had called her by her first name (actually she liked it better to be called Haruhi, rather than 'Fujioka-senpai' or 'Fujioka-san', even if whoever called out to her even forgot an honorific.

The tall, long haired brunette had a rather expressionless face, but Haruhi could see a soft and sweet smile. Whoever she was, she didn't look much like a first year student.

"Anou…?"

Haruhi stopped, allowing the girl to catch up with her long, almost manly strides. Haruhi then realized something. She was wearing not a yellow belle dress as the school uniform was, but a red chinese dress that had only a minor slit that showed off skin only to her knee. A golden dragon danced about the red silk, winding about.

'_That looks like something we'd wear at the host club..._' Haruhi thought.

"I have something to say." The girl spoke bluntly, her face sharp and serious.

"Hai, what is it, kouhai?" Haruhi said in a soft tone, smiling.

Haruhi had little time to respond, as the tall girl bent her back and her neck forward ... and secured a soft kiss on her lips.

"Nani...!" Haruhi cried out as the girl retracted, a soft smile on her lips as she watched the cherry hue grow on Haruhi's cheeks.

"I like you."

Those three words echoed in Haruhi's head. Over and over. How should she respond? There was only one person, someone at the club, who she loved. He was nice and compassionate, and also completely oblivious to her feelings, most likely.

In the real world outside of Haruhi's head, the girl had taken the opportunity to pull the blushing Haruhi by he hand to a familiar club room. She took a look at Haruhi's blank expression and smiled, before pushing the ornate, oaken doors open.

Haruhi snapped back as the soft scent of strawberries wafted about. Her expression was unreadable, as she saw five beautiful, model-like maidens dressed in elaborate costumes. A pig-tailed blonde little girl maid, a dark haired mysterious beauty in a dark purple kimono with hime-style hair, a princess with long velvety blonde hair, and twin redheads dressed in naughty schoolgirl outfits and sporting G-cup bust lines.

Haruhi blinked, and zoned out on Kyouya threatening to increase her debt tenfold, and of Tamaki's tearful shouts of 'nekomimi' and other possible cosplay ideas.

"Wait...where's Mori-senp-"

"Takashi, Takashi!" Hunni hopped over to the female besides Haruhi. Hunni climbed onto her shoulders, and smiled cutely. "We're kawaii, ne? Let's go eat cake, go, go, go!"

The brunette walked towards Hunni's table, where cakes and tea were set up. Haruhi, blinking, simply stared at Takashi.

And the, she saw his head turn for a few moments after Hunni sat down, beautiful smile and a gaze directed to her for only a few moments, before he turned again.

Both twins took this moment to mash their fake breasts into Haruhi's face, just to see how she'd react. 

* * *

YEAH! lol...

A really odd TakaHaru one-shot, for one of my reviewers. (:

I know, my mind's really odd when it comes to these scenarios.


End file.
